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| I'm not keeping up with this thing anymore. I have a hard enough time getting people to comment on my blogs on myspace. so fuck it. this is my last entry, and im sure nobody is heart broken about that.
Bye. | | |
| Very embarassing loser fact about myself:
I just cried in a re-run of Dawson's Creek.
That makes 2 episodes in which I've cried during that stupid show. I'm pathetic. | | |
| I know nobody will even read all through this (or at all) but I felt like posting these lyrics because I definatly feel for a lot of them, especially with the crap me and Chris go through some times.
Grace"
I was up all night
dreaming of you
Pretty valentine
Bleeding again from the sole of my shoes
Cause I've got to carry the weight of the truth
Would you take it easy on me
Would you take it easy on me
Would you like to see me crawling
Would it do any good
Good would do if it could
I was up all night drinking of you
We got into a fight
Love always drains the life out of me
But I can't complain
I'm in the deep freeze
I'd be alright through the grace of your heart
Sleep through the night through the grace of your heart
Keep me in line through the grace of your heart
Keep me alive through the grace of your heart
I got up alright
Breakfast for two
Pieces of hate all over the room
Your love is a light that leads to my soul
That's melting the wall,
That's drowning me so
Would you take it easy on me
Could you make it easy on me
Would you like to see me crawling
Would it do any good
Good would do if it could
Through the grace of your heart
The grace of your heart
I'd be alright through the grace of your heart
Sleep through the night through the grace of your heart
Swallow my pride through the grace of your heart
Buried alive through the grace of your heart
Love has no pride
Love has no pride | | |
| - Satisfaction
I swear, "Satisfaction" is like my new anthem.
It feels so good when your pissed off and hurting to just blast that song and shout "I CANT GET NO!!!" and just sing along.
you sing it mick. I cant get no satisfaction either. | | |
| Ok so I'm gonna pour out some pent up emotions that I cant bring up to Chris because he's got finals and I dont want to put more stress on him. and nobody reads this anyway.
Last night me and Chris were watching Snow Day and I stupidly asked him if he thought this one girl was prettier than me. He hesitated and then said "no..." like really unsure. And I said "You hesitated" and we were quiet for awhile. And he asked what I was thinking and I said "Well it feels like you just said no to spare my feelings" and he said "I did."
That one still hurts.
I said "Ow." and started crying cuz that really fucking stung. He just doesnt get it. The answer is always NO to a question like that. Awhile ago we were watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding and I asked him if he thought I was bigger than Nia Vardalos (the lead) and he said yes. And that one hurt too. I regret getting so upset about that one, but I cant help it when I get hurt. I mean, weight is something I can change about myself. But short of plastic surgeory I cant change the way I look and how Chris sees me. And now I feel like Chris has been lying to me when he tells me he thinks I'm pretty. because it feels like I'm not pretty enough (or at all) now. The very little confidence I had is fucking in shreds. Things like this really make me doubt Chris's feelings and love for me. Because wouldnt you want the person you love to be happy with themselves even if you told a white lie? Even if you do think someones prettier, HUMOR ME.
Call me ideal, but as much as I wouldnt believe it, I'd want the man I was with to think I was the prettiest girl in the world. Even though I wouldnt agree with him, It'd sure be nice to know that someone thought that about me. It feels like he doesnt know me now, because someone that even knew me the least bit would know how much my confidence sucks.....so why in the world would you say something like that?? I dont want something thats not even bothering him anymore to ruin my birthday, but goddamn I cant stop thinking about it no matter how hard I try.
Needless to say, I'm NEVER asking again. It only results in my feelings and assurance getting beat to a pulp. | | |
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